


Shipping and Handling

by gwenwifar



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is Done, Castiel's new groove, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No more Mr. nice angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:28:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25278499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwenwifar/pseuds/gwenwifar
Summary: Story takes place when Cas returns to the bunker after leaving it in 15x3. He returns with a new outlook and a determination not to fall into old patterns. Marked explicit mostly for language, but there is going to be some (moderatly explicit) smut later on.Cas is casually watching Dr. Sexy with Dean when a new nurse is introduced. Nurse Frank is everything Dr. Sexy needs in his life and Cas immediately ships the two. But Dean is determined that Dr. Sexy is not gay, and the only thing he's finding harder to handle than this ship is Castiel's new attitude.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 57
Kudos: 155





	1. Shipping Dr. Sexy

“There’s no way. I’m sorry, but I’ve been watching Dr. Sexy a lot longer than you, Cas and there’s no way that’s possible.”

That sounded final enough. This was the part where Castiel would bow to his superior wisdom and Dean would file this moment away for the next time he wanted to needle Cas.

“It’s obvious, Dean. The only reason you don’t see it is because the nurse is a man this time.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Nurse Frank is not going to be Dr. Sexy’s new girlfriend.”

“Of course not, Dean, he’s not a girl.”

They had been out on a milk run in Idaho for a couple of days and returned earlier today. Dean had picked up pizza, and they had only waited till they arrived at the bunker because Dean refused to allow greasy fingers in the Impala when they were going to be home in a few more minutes. They were exhausted and starved, though, so they ate standing up in the kitchen, huddled around the island, pizza in one hand and beer in the other. Then Sam had gone to write in his diary or whatever he did when they came back from hunts, and Dean had settled in front of the TV, where he could finally relax with a couple of episodes of Dr. Sexy. He was behind and catching up with Dr. Sexy’s adventures was the perfect way to relax into a sense of, well, home.

When Cas had joined him, he’d hoped this meant things were settling down to normal. He’d been pretty standoffish since he came back after the fight. Honestly, Dean was pretty sure he would have stayed away for good, if they still didn’t have Chuck to deal with. He was back, because it was smarter to pool their resources for this fight. But he’d hardly said two words to Dean. He’d only gone on this milk run with them because he didn’t want to be left alone at the bunker. Trying to remind himself he is a guest who overstayed his welcome about 4 apocalypses ago, no doubt. Maybe Dean should feel shittier about that.

But then the show had started and Nurse Frank had been introduced. Sure, it was pretty common for Dr. Sexy to “welcome” the new nurses with a metaphorical bang. Or a literal one, sometimes. And he supposed that Dr. Sexy had looked at him kinda funny for a minute there as he walked into the room for the first time. Probably just surprised it was a man, is all. Most nurses are women, after all. Certainly on the show the new nurses were always women. Made sense, right?

“My point precisely. He’s not a girl, so he’s not Dr. Sexy’s type.”

“Please! His type is ambulatory.”

“Are you calling Dr. Sexy a slut, Cas?”

“I’m just saying, he always sleeps with the new nurse, Dean.”

“But the new nurse has always been a woman, ergo, Dr. Sexy’s type.”

Cas had chuckled at that.

“Are you calling Dr. Sexy a slut, Dean?”

“He, uh – gets around. Anyway, the point is, Dr. Sexy is not even remotely interested in the new nurse.”

“Uh uh. So explain that look.”

Dean backed up the show a few seconds and paused it on the look Cas had mentioned. Ok, so it didn’t look like a casual, uninterested look. 

“He’s probably not even seeing him right now. Just remembering when Nurse Jean first arrived, or that girl he bumped into in the hallway.”

“You’re in denial. Face it, Dean. Dr. Sexy is hot for Nurse Frank. He wants the D.”

Yeah, so this was a new thing that was happening since Cas came back. It’s like he hung out with the kids from the wrong side of town and picked up an attitude and a whole new vocabulary somehow. Dean was not too fond of surprises, and Cas had been a constant in his life long enough that he didn’t appreciate this kind of change. 

“He what, now? Do you even know what you’re saying?”

“Yep. He wants the D. D for dick,” and he raised his eyebrow in Dean’s direction.

“Are you implying I’m a dick, now?”

“I’m just shipping Dr. Sexy, Dean.”

“Yeah, well, what do you know about Dr. Sexy? Or dick?”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. Do angels even have dicks?”

Now, this was the part where Castiel once would have given Dean the benefit of the doubt. Told himself Dean was just curious, maybe. That angels were really not that familiar in general and now that he had an angel in his mismatched family he wanted to learn more about the species. Before he’d walked out of the bunker, he would have said something about how when angels weren’t in a vessel, their bodies were pretty fluid and it was hard to make parallels between angel and human anatomy. He would have said that angels did not in themselves have gender, nor did they reproduce sexually, and thus sexual organs were not really necessary or meaningful for them in any way. 

But Cas _had_ walked out of the bunker that day. And more than that, he had said that it was time to move on, and he found that he meant it. He was tired. He was tired of Dean’s shitty attitude, he was tired of pretending he didn’t know he was being jerked around, and he was tired of telling himself that Dean was just pissed and he had no coping skills. He may have, at one time, been an angel of the lord, but he was tired of turning the other cheek and being Dean’s metaphorical punching bag. More than anything, he was tired of waiting patiently for Dean to get his head out of his ass. While a few years hadn’t seemed like such a long time to wait when he had grace and the unlimited time it gave him, he was dangerously close to being just another human now, and time had become rather more significant than it used to be. He didn’t have any to waste anymore.

So, Castiel closed his mouth and took a deep breath. He turned to look Dean directly in the eye, wondering how the Castiel who was done taking Dean’s shit wanted to handle this.  
That’s when he saw it. The smirk already forming at the corner of Dean’s mouth. Some quip already taking shape. Dean was waiting for him to attempt to answer his question, so he could ridicule him for it. Call him naïve or mock him for taking the question seriously. Or maybe he meant to cut him off with some version of “see, I told you so” immediately on hearing that angels didn’t have sex organs in their true form.

So Castiel leaned in for a moment, locking eyes with Dean. 

“Dean -”

He paused for effect and then, his tone cool as ice, said all he was going to say on the matter.

“Blow me.”

Slowly, he stood up, looming over Dean much as he had on the day they had first met, and left Dean to pick up his jaw with some privacy.


	2. Dr. Sexy isn't gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas asks Sam for a second opinion on his ship. Dean is mostly confused, says some pretty ignorant things but nothing too awful. Let me know in the comments if you think this needs a CW.

“Yeah, no, I think you’re right.”

Could Sammy sound any more confusing? Dean took a deep breath and finished walking into the room. Cas and Sam were looking at that look Dr. Sexy and Nurse Frank had shared. There were snacks and beers handy, so it looked like they meant to watch the rest, and as Dean himself had been too stunned to get much beyond that yesterday, he grabbed a beer for himself and sat down on the sofa.

“You too, Sammy?”

“What? That was a significant look. Plus, Cas is not wrong about Doctor Sexy always hooking up with the new nurse.”

“Those were women, Sammy. Dr. Sexy is clearly not gay.”

He couldn’t believe he had to keep pointing this out. Seriously, how many hookups did it take to establish that Dr. Sexy was not into dudes?

“Of course not, Dean. You do know there are other options?”

Dean froze half-way through settling into the sofa. When had Castiel’s voice picked up that tone, anyway? He didn’t know, but he didn’t like it. Made him feel like he was being laughed at.

“He’s probably bi, maybe pansexual,” Sam chimed in.

“Really, Sam? _Pansexual_? Dr. Sexy?”

He really wished he had Sam’s bitchface proficiency at moments like this. Best he could do right now was glare.

“Sure, why not?”

“He was only ever interested in girls, Sam.”

“And now he’s interested in a guy.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He looks interested to me,” Cas piped up again.

And he was pointing at the screen this time. The scene had moved on, and Dr. Sexy had walked up closer to Nurse Frank. He looked a little confused for a moment, then reached to grab the chart Frank was looking at and looked it over.

“In the chart, maybe.” Dean snorted.

“Right, cause he totally didn’t just grab it to cover up the fact he had no reason to get that close,” Sam pointed out. “Come on, Dean, we’re hunters. We do that kind of thing all the time.”

“Yeah, well, he’s not. And he’s not bi, either. Or pansexual, whatever that means.”

“It means it wouldn’t matter what gender people are.”

“Isn’t that just bi?”

And now Sam and Castiel were exchanging a significant look, and Sam was trying not hold back a bitchface, Dean could tell. It was starting to piss him off, this nonsense. Were they ganging up on him now?

“Not really, no,” Cas finally said. “Bi people are into 2 genders. Say, men and women, but maybe they’re into manly men and girly girls and nothing in between. Pan people don’t really consider gender relevant.”

And now Cas was lecturing about sex stuff? Cas? Who had had sex like once in his entire existence? This clearly could not stand. But before he could jump in and put Cas in his place, Sam jumped in.

“There’s actually a lot of debate now in the LGBTQ community about that distinction, and how maybe it is a bit transphobic and unnecessarily nitpicky. I don’t know, it still seems to me like there is a significant difference between having a gender preference, even if it’s a broad one, and not considering gender at all, but maybe that's just me?”

And now his little brother was looking at practically a virgin after literal millennia Cas for an answer when his chick magnet older brother was right here. What the hell had happened to his life? Maybe Chuck had managed to pull off an apocalypse after all, and this was some weird parallel universe conversation. That had to be it. The world had ended in a blast, and he’d been projected into a parallel universe where Cas and his brother talked about sex stuff as if Dean didn’t know a damn thing about it.

“It does seem relevant to me, as well, Sam. But maybe that’s a debate for the bi and pan to work out for themselves. I’m gay myself, so I don’t really feel like my opinion is relevant.”

“Fair point, I think.”

“What do you mean, you’re gay? You’re an angel, what does that even mean? You’re only into other angels?”

Okay, so he had forgotten he’d meant to snap at Cas because he was genuinely interested in that answer. And well, he was still pissed, so it might have come out kinda snappy and stabby, but Dean wanted to know, so he clammed up and waited for an answer. Sam’s bitch face intensified, and Cas shifted, clearly holding on to his temper in the way someone who was rudely pulled out of a pleasant conversation might.

“It’s been years since I fell, Dean. Grace or no grace, I am no longer an angel. This is my body now, my true form. And this body is male. While Jimmy lived in it, it was drawn to women, it seems. But now that it’s mine it seems rather more interested in men. Or at least in one man. That would make me gay.”

So Cas was into guys. Or at least one guy. He wanted to catalogue all the men that Cas might have been involved in since the fall. He only knew about the one time Cas had had sex with a woman. Anyway, not his business, he made himself not go there. There was no point. But that did explain why Cas was so determined to ship Dr. Sexy and Frank. What do you even call that ship, anyway? Frexy? Drank? This whole idea was just too stupid. Dr. Sexy was – oh, oh, he cracked it now!

“I get it. You’re into Dr. Sexy, that’s why you want him to be bi or into pans or whatever. But Dr. Sexy is straight as an arrow. He’s not into dudes.”

Cas and Sam both gave him equally baffled looks, so he continued. Clearly they weren’t getting it yet.

“Plus, I don’t even think you’re really gay. Dr. Sexy isn’t a real person, he doesn’t count.”

“Dean, shut up.”

Great, now his little brother was telling him to shut up. He was trying to help Cas, here. Why didn’t anyone show him any respect anymore? He was always trying to help and all he ever got was crap. He started to explain Castiel’s obvious confusion, when before he could get out anything more than Sammy’s name, Castiel interrupted.

“Don’t tell me who I am, Dean. You don’t know jack shit about who I am or what I am into. You never have. You never wanted to. From the very beginning it was all about what use I could be to you. That’s why now that I’m fast becoming useless you don’t bother to hide your disdain.”

Cas kept his eyes firmly on the TV and ignored both Dean’s horrified silence and Sam’s gasp.

“Do you even know who _you_ are, Dean? I thought _I_ did, but I never took you for a homophobe. I held your soul in my arms, and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen through millennia of gazing in awe at the wonders of nature. I didn’t see this. This is new, and frankly, it’s not attractive.”

Cas pushed play again on the remote, but Dean was not about to let it end there. He grabbed the remote and stopped the episode again.

“I am _not_ \- ” He started, emphatically, only to be cut off again.

“You’re not what Dean? A homophobe? Bi? Are you sure? Maybe you don’t want Dr. Sexy to be bi even though he’s clearly attracted to a man, because _you’re_ attracted to a man and _you_ don’t want to be bi. Maybe he can’t be bi, because you don’t _want_ to be. Because bi, in your mind, is like half gay and you’re a homophobe, now. You know what they say about homophobes, right?”

He should have said something, he knew he should have. He shouldn’t have let Cas interrupt him in the first place. Sure, maybe he identified a little too closely with Dr. Sexy, both of them being chick magnets with muscle cars, going around saving people, and very much not bi, so they had a lot in common. But he had allowed Cas to go off on him and then he had sat there like a moron instead of getting his feet under him and getting back into that fight. And he couldn’t now, because Cas was looking at him like he was _hurt_. And he had said Dean had only wanted him around for his powers, that he was becoming useless, and Dean didn’t know how to process any of that.

“Secretly, they all suspect dick might be delicious. Do you ever wonder, Dean, if dick might be delicious?”

Dean felt himself blush. In the back of his head, Castiel’s voice started chanting “blow me” and suddenly he couldn’t breathe sitting so close to Cas. He saw Cas push play again as he headed for the door. Dean had to get all the way to his bedroom, close the door behind him, and lean against it before he could breathe freely again. 

And he couldn’t help it. His first coherent thought was wondering if Castiel’s dick might in fact be delicious. Time to take Baby out for a ride.


	3. Dr. Sexy is confused

_They were clearing out a vamp’s nest when something went horribly wrong. There were a lot more vamps than they had expected, and they were dangerously close to overwhelmed within minutes. Dean had slashed and stabbed and kicked more bodies than he could keep up with in all the confusion. He was about to chop another head off when he heard Castiel’s voice urgently calling to him._

_“Dean!”_

_He let the catana fly and turned his head, still holding the vamp’s body in his fist. Was one of them behind him? Did Cas need help? Was Sammy in trouble? He quickly scanned the room, his eyes stopping when they landed on Cas. Plunging his angel blade into the vamp coming up behind him, Cas smirked._

_“Blow me.”_

_The vamp in Dean’s fist stood up again and curiously tilted the intact head of messy dark hair that seemed to have attached itself to its beheaded body._

_“Have you ever wondered if dick might be delicious?”_

Dean sat up in bed with a groan. Well, his day was off to a great start.

He padded his way into the kitchen where the coffee and the bacon were. A mug was waiting for him, hot and strong just the way he liked it. That probably meant that after a few days of side eye and one word answers, Sammy was ready to return to full sentences. He’d have to thank him for the coffee when he came back from his run. 

Half a cup of coffee later, he was cooking up some bacon, eggs ready to scramble next to the stove and a few slices of bread waiting by the toaster. Should he make something for Sammy? Pancakes, maybe? He could whip up some batter and toss them on the griddle when he heard Sammy come in and head for the shower.

oOo

By noon he was feeling considerably better about his day. Sam had eaten the pancakes. They had spent a few hours looking for possible cases online, but things seemed to be pretty quiet at the moment. This afternoon, he’d devote a few hours to taking care of Baby, then he’d make his extra special burgers for dinner and after, he’d settle down for the latest Dr Sexy. 

He made his way to the garage, mentally running through what Baby needed and what he had time for today. She wasn’t quite due for an oil change yet, but he had time, and with Chuck plotting, who knew when they might be swamped again? She could use a break job. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that and he was starting to feel like she was less responsive than she should be. He should at least check it out. And while he was doing that, he could clean her tires and rims properly. Yeah, that sounded like a plan. Break job, lube job, rim jo…. Uh… detail. Yeah, come to think of it, he had enough time to just do a full detail, get all polished like she just rolled off the showroom floor.

He spent the afternoon all caught up making Baby shine, and by the time he was done he was covered in grease, wax and assorted cleaners and polishes. He made his way to his shower feeling better than he had in months. Maybe even years. It took some serious scrubbing and the loofah Sammy had insisted he needed to get him clean enough to cook. He must have thanked the old men of letters a dozen times for the water pressure, and the way the hot water never ran out, no matter how long the shower was. 

He came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, water droplets still all over his freshly scrubbed body and froze the second he set foot in his room just as Cas walked in from the other door.

“Cas?”

Cas turned, then quickly looked down for a second, before awkwardly refocusing, keeping his eyes firmly above Dean’s neck. 

“Sam is making dinner. Chili dogs alright?”

Dean had to clear his throat, his hands going to the edge of the towel as if they meant to just rest on his hips. 

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good.”

Cas nodded and spun on his heel, gone as quickly as he’s appeared. 

Sam was making chili dogs? _Awesome!_ He could make the special burgers tomorrow, he was tired anyway. Maybe make a nice salad to go with them, too.

And if he heard a voice go “blow me” a few times while he was drying off, well, that was the background music of his life now, apparently, and he wasn’t going to let it ruin his mood.

oOo

Dr. Sexy was clearly confused. Nurse Kelly was visiting for a few days. They’d been chatting by the nurses’ station, catching up on the news, when Frank had come in to look for a chart. As he’d turned to go, he had “bumped into” Dr. Sexy, and Dr. Sexy had glanced over his shoulder. They had locked eyes for a second, both clearly moving to say something. Ya know, the way you do when you bump into someone. But they just froze there and no words came out. Probably because Kelly was still talking like a ninny. And well, the camera did that thing where it kinda zooms in and damned if the music that plays when Dr. Sexy is checking out some new babe didn’t start up. 

Apparently Frank had blue eyes. Dr. Sexy was kinda stuck, which Dean could relate to, cause blue eyes were just tricky. If they were just the right shade of blue, and you looked at them long enough, they could make you feel like you were flying. 

Dean glanced over at Cas for a second, making sure he didn’t look long enough. 

Not that Frank’s eyes where the right shade, but whatever. They say the camera puts on 10 pounds. Maybe it takes off two layers of blue. Who knows? Anyway, the camera was doing the zooming thing, and the music was playing and then Kelly put her hand on Dr. Sexy’s arm and he kinda gasped a little and turned back to look at her. 

He was confused, is all. She was there, he could smell her perfume, and hear her voice, and her hand on his arm. And actually, now that Dean thought about it, her eyes were blue too. When had blue eyes become so common? Seemed like everyone had blue eyes all of a sudden. Anyway, he clearly was thinking about Nurse Kelly when he was looking at Frank, that’s why that music was playing and why he looked kinda dazed. 

Frank looked kinda dazed too, he was noticing. And kinda soft and delicate. Dr. Sexy probably thought he was looking at a girl. He heard himself smirk. And quickly glanced at Sam and Cas, only to find them both glaring at him.

“What?” Cas asked.

“Nothing.”

And just to buy some time and try to avoid another argument, he shoved a handful of popcorn into his mouth. But as he chewed, Sam and Cas talked about that look and what it meant, and also about the music and next thing he knew they were taking bets on when Dr. Sexy would kiss Frank. And he couldn’t help it, he smirked again.

“What?” Cas insisted. “What’s so funny, Dean?”

“Nothing! it’s just… he’s clearly confused.”

“Confused?” 

Now Cas was giving him a bitchface, and honestly this wasn’t even fair anymore. He was outnumbered. 

“Kelly was right there, with her perfume and her voice and her arm. And Frank is all soft and delicate and -”

Now that he was hearing himself say this stuff out loud, it kinda sounded dumb as hell, actually. But he was committed now, so he was going with it.

“And what? Girly? Weak?”

“I mean, kinda, yeah.”

“You think he’s weak?” Cas didn’t even sound appalled anymore, mostly just exhausted.

“Why, because he’s gay?”

“I mean, no. Lots of gay guys are tougher than nails, but-”

“But they’re bears or biker types, not soft and delicate, right?” 

And now Cas was smirking like he couldn’t believe this.

“Is that what strength is, Dean? Muscle mass? Let me tell you something.”

And now Cas turned to face him, and suddenly he had that righteous angel of the lord look in his eyes again.

“There is nowhere in this world where LGBT people can be themselves without fear of being disowned or beaten to death or dragged off to be tortured in conversion therapy. In some places, it’s still a criminal offense, punishable by death. And yet, Dean, right now, as we speak, thousands of kids are telling their parents who they are, even as they watch the love drain from their eyes. Right now, young men, barely old enough to drink, are baring their souls knowing that they’re risking more than their heart and their pride if the other guy doesn’t share their feelings. He could turn around, go to the police, and they could be hanging in a public square tomorrow, Dean. They've seen it happen to other men. Maybe men they knew. And yet they reach for love, because it’s worth the risk. That’s strength, Dean. Meanwhile, Mr. No Chick Flick Moments, you can’t say I love you to your own brother without the word bitch somewhere in the sentence. What are you afraid of? That he’ll believe you?” 

Dean frowned at that, Cas entirely forgotten for a moment. When he raised his eyes, it was to look at Sam. 

“Sam. Am I … am I a jerk?”

He vaguely registered that Cas said something about getting a beer and gave them some privacy. Sam, eyes maybe a bit mistier than they usually were, sat up straighter.

“Are we seriously doing this?” Sam hesitated.

Dean nodded once, his eyes on the beer bottle, but determined to know the answer because dammit, he might be a jerk but he wasn’t a coward. 

“No, Dean. I don’t think you’re a jerk, but you play one sometimes.”

Dean took a swig of his beer, making himself listen instead of just blurting out things.

“You’re a good man, Dean. You taught me everything I know about being a man. But you didn’t have anyone to teach you. And I think you never really learned some of the things you taught me.”

“How does that even make sense, Sammy?”

“I had you and I had years. You had a father than was never there and a motel TV. He didn’t do his job, Dean. And when he wasn’t there to teach you, you picked John Wayne and Jimmy Stewart and a bunch of other guys to teach you how to be a man. They were tough, and you needed to be tough too. But there’s more than that to life, even for tough guys. Sometimes even chick flick moments. But those were never in the movies, were they?”

Sam reached over and squeezed his shoulder.

“You didn’t get the luxury of time to figure it out, like I did. When you weren’t taking care of me, or hustling pool, or saving people and killing things, you were learning how to make fake IDs or making up stories to explain away the monsters. You’ve been playing a part or another almost nonstop since mom died the first time. Sometimes it seems like you don’t know who you are under all that. And maybe it’s time you found out. Take the time to really figure out what kind of man you are, and what kind of man you want to be.”


	4. But wouldn't he know it by now?

Dr. Sexy was casually returning some charts to the desk when the alarm went off two doors down. He found Frank frantically working over the patient, who had flatlined. There was a blur of activity, both of them working to get a pulse. When the monitor found a heartbeat, they glanced at each other for a moment, relief and adrenaline in their smiles. But as soon as their eyes met, they held. They sort of, swayed towards each other, and then a beep of the monitor brought them back to their patient, just before 3 other people rushed into the room.

Cas and Sam looked downright smug, when Dean glanced at them. 

His eyes went back to the TV, and now that the crisis was over and everyone was going back to what they were doing before the alarms went off, Dr. Sexy was watching Frank walk away. And he looked confused. And his confusion was confusing the crap out of Dean.

“Ok, but - ”

How did he ask this without coming across as a jerk again?

“If he’s bi… wouldn’t he have been with guys before now? He’s got to be like 30, maybe 35. He looks confused. Why would he be confused? Wouldn’t he know by now?”

“Not necessarily.”

Sam sounded deliberate, like he was also trying to avoid a downslide into another argument.

“People who are bi aren’t necessarily into both genders equally. Dr. Sexy might be more attracted to women, just not exclusively. Maybe Frank is the first man he’s been this drawn to long enough to notice it.”

“So you think he was straight before, until he met Frank?”

“Not exactly. Who he is hasn’t changed. He just didn’t have all the information before. People find out new things about themselves all the time.”

“And he was under a lot of pressure to be straight. That always confuses things. I used to think I was asexual, you know. Angels are supposed to be. I was always told that I was, and I was too busy training the garrisons and fighting monsters to give it any thought. And then I had sex and, even though it didn’t turn out the way it should have, I guess, it was the first time I had any reason to wonder if maybe that wasn’t exactly true. And what wanting to have sex even felt like.”

“Wouldn’t that make you bi?”

“Not really. I didn’t want to have sex _with April_ , exactly. I just wanted to understand this new thing that felt good. I have only ever been attracted to- men. Anyway, the point is, sometimes you don’t know what you’re feeling, and you try to make sense of it by the cues you get from others. Dr. Sexy might have noticed someone at a bar, for example, caught himself looking, but where if it was a girl he might go buy her a drink, if it was a guy he just told himself he liked his coat or whatever, and looked around for a girl to notice.”

“But wouldn’t he know he was doing it? How could he not know?”

He sounded juvenile now. He knew he did. He should have asked that question when he was like 14, sitting across from his dad, embarrassed out of his mind. But they never had that talk, unless you counted the time his dad bought him a box of condoms and tossed it at him on his way out the door, making sure he knew that if he wanted to go out and use those, he better make sure Sammy was going to be safe while he was gone.

He heard Cas sigh, and wondered if he’d done it again, somehow.

“He wouldn’t want to know. He’d work at not knowing. Distract himself from it, keep busy with another hookup, or another patient. Maybe drink too much, tell himself it was just the booze. Just so long as he didn’t look at it too closely, it wouldn’t be real.”

“But why??”

And now Dean could feel something rising inside that felt a lot like anger. Why would Dr. Sexy do this? Why would anyone do this? There must be a damn good reason because if there wasn't he was just a fucking coward.

“I wish I knew, Dean.”

Cas was studying the beer bottle in his hand as if the answer was inside somewhere.

“I think at first it was because he didn’t think he was allowed. Like -”

He paused for a second and then continued, as if he’d given this some considerable thought already.

“Imagine it’s the day before Thanksgiving and there’s a new pie in the fridge. You don’t know how it got there or what kind of pie it is, but it looks delicious and you want a piece. But you figure someone brought it for Thanksgiving dinner and they’d be pissed if you cut into it, so you walk away. Just keep busy and don’t think about it and soon enough it will be time for dinner and you can have some then. Maybe you go wash the car, maybe you make a big sandwich, or go play a game or something. You catch yourself thinking about that pie, you go do something that will distract you.”

That made sense. As a pie lover, Dean had this problem like 3 times a year.

“And then, maybe it just became a habit? Maybe he kept himself so busy he really did forget about the pie completely, or didn’t notice that the party’s over, everyone else has gone home already, and he could taste it, see if it was as good as it looked. Maybe he was afraid that after eating so many sandwiches he wouldn’t enjoy the pie. Maybe he figured he had time, the pie would still be there in another 10 years, waiting.”

He went quiet then, his shoulders slumped in something approaching defeat. 

“But the pie will go sour, the crust will get soggy. It might have been the most delicious pie ever, and it won’t matter if he waits too long.”

Cas dropped his head back then and laughed in a way he’d never heard Castiel laugh before. He sounded angry instead of amused.

“That’s the worst part, you know. It might have been just an average pie, sure. Good, but nothing to write home about. It might have been sour and overdone, and ended up in the trash. But there’s a chance it could have been absolutely perfect, the kind of pie they write songs about, and he’ll never know. And neither will the person who made that pie. They’ll never get to see him try it. Enjoy it. They’ll never know how much he would have loved the pie they made for him. They’ll never know how perfect it could have been. No one will.”

Cas put the beer bottle down and buried his face in his hands. Dean looked at Sam for a clue. This was definitely not about pie, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t about Frank and Dr. Sexy anymore either. Sam looked a bit stabby, clearly wanting him to do something, but as that wasn’t especially helpful when Dean didn’t even know what they were talking about yet, he just gestured his confusion. Somewhere between an increasingly confused look and an epic bitchface, He felt Cas get up and run his hands through his hair.

“I’m done waiting. It’s time to taste the pie or toss it out, Dean.”

And when Dean didn’t say anything, he turned around and left the room.

“What are you doing, Dean?”

He turned to face Sam, feeling hounded and not understanding how or why. 

“I don’t know, Sam. I don’t know what the hell is going on here. What are we even talking about, cause it sure as hell isn’t Dr. Sexy anymore. What?”

Sam slumped into his chair, shaking his head. Why was everybody on his case all of a sudden? What the hell was going on here? Sam wasn’t helping, so he went after Cas. He was going to get some goddamn answers, and he was going to get them right now.

He got to Cas just in time to stop him from closing his bedroom door and shutting him out entirely.

“What he hell, Cas? Talk to me!”

“I’m tired of talking. And I’m tired of waiting. Leave me alone, Dean.”

“Cas-”

“Get the damn pie out of the fridge and taste it, or leave me the hell alone, Dean. Choose. _Now_.”

How could this be getting more confusing?

“Cas, I get that you’re frustrated, and I want to help, man, I told you before that you’re family, but-”

He had other words he meant to say, but Cas was now advancing on him, grabbing his favorite flannel into his fist, and walking him back against the wall opposite his door.

“Fuck it. I’ll taste it.”

And then he felt Castiel’s arms close him in, his body pressing Dean against the wall, and Castiel’s lips, gentle despite his body language, kissing him senseless.


	5. Tasting the Pie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had not intended this to be its own chapter, but I felt like we've been waiting for it so long that it deserved some special attention. Enjoy!

So, Dean had been involved in a lot of kisses. He thought of himself as a pretty good kisser, in fact. Most of the people he’d kissed seemed to agree with that assessment. He was good at the full range of kissing. Master of the rough kiss, the deep kiss, the soft kiss. Even the chaste peck, though that was his least favorite. But he couldn’t figure out this kiss. Castiel’s body language was hard and hot kiss all over, but his lips were gentle and soft enough for any delicate first kiss. But even that was less confusing than the fact that Castiel was kissing him.

Dean’s body was not nearly as confused as his mind, though. It shifted slightly, and feeling restrained by Castiel’s arms, shifted harder, trying to move his own arms where they belonged, to bring the warm body closer, to angle the head where he wanted it. 

Cas let go, quickly taking a step back. His eyes were blown wide, and his hands up.

“I’m - ”

And just like that he was looking at a closed bedroom door. Dean slumped back against the wall and let gravity pull him down. _What the hell had just happened here?_

Sure, recently things had been, well, stressful between them. But until Mary’s second death he would have sworn any blood oath that anyone cared to offer that Castiel was his brother. Sure, not quite like Sammy was, but that was because of history. He’d never changed Castiel’s diapers or made sure that he got his homework done and got to school. And ok, if he was being honest, he’d never asked himself what Sammy’s dic… never mind. He couldn’t even finish that sentence in his own mind. So, clearly a bit different, but still. Cas was his brother, right?

He loved Cas, he knew that for sure. Not the way he loved Bobby or dad. He didn’t see Cas as somehow above him, which was ironic, Cas being an angel and everything. Not like Jo or Charlie either. He didn’t feel the need to be extra careful and protective, Cas could handle himself. In fact, Cas could handle himself and he could handle Dean’s shit too, which was harder and honestly, most people just couldn’t. Maybe that’s why Dean dished it out so often. He knew Cas could take it and shake it off. He wouldn’t break, and he wouldn’t run, and he would still be there for Dean afterwards. He loved Cas the way you love someone you see as your equal. So, like a brother.

Only he was sitting in the hallway, lips tingling, wondering what it would have felt like if he’d gotten a chance to get his arms where he wanted them, and that wasn’t really very compatible with this brother idea. So… where did that leave him? Not knowing what to make of it is where it left him. The little voice in the back of his mind that had been chanting _"blow me"_ for what felt like ages was now whispering that really, he needed a better taste of that pie Cas was going on about. That kiss was less like a taste and more like having that pie thrown in your face, and that was just not fair.

In fairness, Cas might have thought he was trying to push him off when he moved his arms. He had look kinda horrified, and well, Dean knew that wasn’t because the kiss sucked. The kiss had been confusing, sure. But in his expert opinion, it had not sucked in the least. It just – he made himself set aside for the moment the fact that it was Cas and think only of the kiss. There wasn’t… enough. It was like Cas had been waiting to be kicked or shoved away. Like he was trying to kiss and cover his back at the same time. That wasn’t a fair test or a fair taste, dammit. If he was going to taste this pie, he was going to do it right.

Dean slid up the wall, readying himself to go knock on the door and demand a proper taste this time. Before he could move, the door opened, and Cas froze in the door frame.

“Dean, I thought - ”

“Listen, Cas. That was not fair!”

Okay, so maybe that was a bit more emphatic than it needed to be. Cas was swallowing, his eyes dropping to his feet.

“I’m sorry, I had no right - ”

“Damn right. That is no way to treat a pie.”

When Cas looked up again, he was looking confused rather than embarrassed, so Dean called that a win.

“Dean, -”

Dean pointed a finger squarely at his chest, taking a step forward.

“O no you don’t. You had your chance, now it’s my turn, and you’re going to listen.”

Cas waited, for all the world a man ready to take his well-deserved punishment. 

“You can’t expect a guy to properly taste a pie like that. There are rules about these things.”

His voice softened, and he took another step closer, stepping into Castiel’s personal space.

“You gotta warm the pie up first. Let it bring out all the subtle flavors and textures.”

Dean’s hands reached out to settle on Castiel’s hip and waist, gently, slowly, allowing him time and space to slip away if he wanted to.

“When it’s nice and warm, you gotta cut a piece out, carefully. Watch the crust to filling ratio…”

He pulled Cas closer, until any casual move would have made them brush against each other.

“Then you gotta take a second to really look at it. The flakiness of the crust…”

Dean’s eyes shifted to Castiel’s lips and he unconsciously leaned closer, breaths mingling for a moment.

“The colors in the filling, the scent of the spices, you let them tell you what to expect, build the anticipation.”

He leaned closer now, turning his head to brush ever so slightly against Castiel’s neck, his nose momentarily nuzzling under his chin, slightly tipping his head in the process.

“You gotta use all your senses.”

The hand on Castiel’s hip slid around to the small of his back, and Cas leaned closer in response, eyes fixed on Dean’s lips now, drawn like a moth to a flame.

“Then you break off a small piece.”

The other hand made its way to the back of Castiel’s neck and up to bury itself in his hair. And now Dean finally closed the distance, lips barely brushing against Cas.

“You gotta take your time on that little piece. Feel the textures, taste all the different parts of the flavor. Enjoy the notes you knew would be there and pick out the stuff you didn’t know to expect. Feel how it all works together.”

He leaned in again, this time brushing slower, closer, stopping to nibble and tug at Castiel’s lip. A shudder ran through Cas, his body melted into Dean’s and a soft moan came up to meet the kiss. He made himself pull his head back for a second, studied the dazed but eager look in the blue eyes before him, the way his lips had parted slightly, the way his heart was racing against Dean's ribs.

“And then?” Cas nudged, his voice barely more than a rough whisper.

“Then you take a proper bite.”

And finally, Dean was kissing him like he meant it.


	6. Dr. Sexy messes up

Dean stumbled back, unable to conjure a thought of any kind. This was – terrifying. A few minutes ago, his brain was demanding a do over, and now that he’d gotten the proper taste he wanted, he didn’t know what to do with it. It was life changing.

That kiss had been somehow unlike every other kiss Dean had ever been a part of. He’d been utterly lost in it, in a way he couldn’t even articulate. Dean could lose a lot of things, if he had to, and survive. He’d even managed to go on with his life when he’d thought Sam was dead. Cas, even. Both his parents, more than once, Bobby, Jo and Ellen. He’d lost a lot over the years. But he’d never been that close to losing himself.

So he backed away, this time. Locked himself in his bedroom as if all the hounds of hell were on his tail, determined to stay there until he could figure this out.  
There was nothing brotherly about that kiss. He might not understand his feelings for Cas, but he understood his body’s reactions just fine. His body was entirely on board and buzzing with potential. He wanted to go back to Castiel’s metaphorical pie and stuff himself full. He wanted to dive in like he was at a pie eating contest.

But he couldn’t even make sense of his feelings without this pie analogy right now. What kind of a repressed idiot was he that even inside his own head he needed a freaking metaphor to process this? Whatever, if that’s what it took, he would use it and figure this out. Things would change now, they had to. But into what? And what would happen when he inevitably fucked it up?

He spent the better part of 5 days pacing in his room, afraid of how badly he was going to fuck it up even as he knew that hiding out the way he was doing right now, after that kiss, was in fact fucking it up. But what did he say? What did he do? He hadn’t been this unsure of himself when he was a teenager. Although, he’d probably been an insufferable teenager.

The next time he saw Cas, it was half-way through day 6. He’d been sneaking around scrounging for food and beer, and had walked out of the kitchen to find Cas about to walk in. Cas looked vaguely, cautiously, hopeful, and Dean felt like absolute shit. And then he turned and scurried away like a rat. He was going to fuck this up so badly he wouldn’t even have Cas as a “brother” when it was all said and done.

oOo

Dr. Sexy came into the room beaming. He dodged around the nurse’s station and Pam, neatly avoided getting pulled into a consult, and generally evaded potential distractions until he found himself directly in front of Frank.

“Hi,” he’d enthused.

Frank had smiled at him, amused. Flattered even, by the determined way he’d avoided everyone else to get to him.

“Tests came back. He’s negative. I just signed his release.”

Frank smiled wider, his hand extended to grip Dr. Sexy’s shoulder in congratulation.

“I’m celebrating tonight. Wanna come over and celebrate with me?”

Frank’s eyes widened, for a moment. He nodded and Dr Sexy scribbled his address on a prescription pad.

“8 o’clock. Doctor’s orders.”

“It’s a date,” Frank had responded. And Dr. Sexy had beamed in response, all light and happiness. And then he’d frozen there for a second, as if he’d just seen something over Frank’s shoulder. He shook his head, and with a much smaller smile turned partially around.

“Kelly, Pam! Party at my place tonight. 8 o’clock. You in?”

He’d ended up inviting everyone in the ward. And he'd spent the entire party flirting with Nurse Kelly.

oOo

Cas sat back with a derisive smirk.

“Fucking coward. The way he walked through the room like nothing else mattered more than getting to Frank, and then he gets freaked out because Frank called it a date. Way to ruin everything, man.”

He shook his head as if this is exactly what he had expected, though he had rather hoped he’d be wrong and Dr Sexy would surprise him.

“Maybe that’s what he’s afraid of,” Dean piped up. “They’re friends now. Even good friends. What if he fucks it up? Sure, he might be interested, but what if they date and it doesn’t work out? At least this way Frank is still his friend. It’s better than nothing, isn’t it?”

“Better for whom, Dean? Do you think it’s better for Frank to be toyed with like this? To go through his days wondering what Dr Sexy really means, asking himself if he’s going crazy thinking he’s interested? To open himself up to hope, only to be ignored? To give up and close himself up only to wonder from now on if things might have worked out in the end if he hadn’t shut it down? Do you think they can ever really be friends when there’s no respect between them?”

“Dr. Sexy respects Frank!”

“Does he?” Cas turned to face him.

“Feelings happen, and they’re not always returned, and that’s fine. A good friend who respects you acknowledges your feelings, even if they can’t return them. And they make their own feelings clear, so that you can figure out where to go from there. And if it gets awkward, friends work through it together, holding on to the solid foundation between them. But if the feelings are returned - Do you think it’s respectful for Dr Sexy to shut himself down like that? To let Frank see how he feels and then push it down like there’s something awful about it, something so awful that he doesn’t want to want it? How can that be anything but insulting? And then to spend the entire night flirting with Kelly under Frank’s nose? How is that anything but cruel and offensive?”

“But if they try and he fucks it up - ”

“Wake up and smell the bacon, Dean. It’s fucked up now. Maybe this is working just fine for Dr Sexy, as he sets his feelings aside and goes off with another hookup. Maybe it’s working for Dr Sexy but that doesn’t mean it’s working. It’s fucked. It’s already fucked.”

He got up then, walked out of the room declaring he needed a drink. Sam sat in silence for another moment, then disappeared to his room with a lore book under his arm. Dean sat where he was, thinking about every time he’d ever made eye contact with Cas and followed that up by picking up a waitress, and suddenly he couldn’t bear the weight of all those small moments. He needed to apologize, even if it was Dean Winchester style. And so he sat there, waiting for Cas to come back. 

He was still there at 4 a.m. when Cas stumbled down the steps, and landed at the bottom, laughing hysterically at his own lack of coordination. He appeared to be singing. And very, very drunk.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Castiel's adventure ended up taking more than I'd intended of the chapter, so I'm splitting it up. Look for the aftermath tomorrow.

He’d only intended to grab a beer from the kitchen, at first. But once Cas had left the room he decided that actually, he needed some air. He went up the steps and out the bunker door. Where to? He looked around for a moment, and then headed off towards town. Lebanon was small, but it had a bar. That would do.

He was about to cross Main Street towards the bar when a couple of young men came out of it. He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to talk to anyone.

“Hey man, you okay?”

“Yeah, fine. Need a drink.”

“I hear that. Bar’s closing, though. We’re about to head up to Hastings to keep the party going. You want a ride?”

Once upon a time he would have just flown there. He missed that. He didn’t really want company, but he did want a drink and Hastings was too far to walk to, so he got in the back seat. He hated to admit it, but their good spirits ended up easing his funk. He even enjoyed the banter, until it reminded him of riding in the back seat of the Impala, listening to Sam and Dean. Eventually, they pulled up to a bar and got out of the car.

He was about to follow the other men into the bar when he noticed another bar, a few doors down.

“You know that’s a gay bar, right?”

Cas hadn’t, but he nodded.

“Thanks for the ride, guys.”

oOo

He sat at the bar and looked around. Well, it was certainly colorful. He didn’t really go to bars much, but he didn’t see what was especially gay about it. He reached for his wallet, intending to pull out enough cash to get himself a drink. That’s when he realized that he walked out without his coat or his wallet. Of course he did. He had only meant to go for a walk. 

He shook his head and groaned, trying to decide what to do now. They wouldn’t let him just sit here indefinitely without buying something. He had nowhere to go, really, other than back to the bunker and that was an hour’s drive away.

“You look like you could use a drink.”

Cas looked up at the guy currently settling into the stool to his right.

“I could. Unfortunately, I left the house in a huff cause Dean was being a dick and I didn’t grab my wallet.”

He ran his hand through his hair, a sort of desperate chuckle escaping him in the process.

“Dean your boyfriend?”

“Ah… he doesn’t want to be. That’s… that’s the problem.”

The man nodded like he understood everything, and signaled the bartender.

“Well, I can’t do anything about Dean being a dick, but I’ve been there and there is one thing that makes everything better. Rainbow jello shots. How’s that sound?”

If there was alcohol in them, it sounded like just what he needed, so he nodded.

Mike ordered two rainbow shots, one for each of them. Only as it turned out a rainbow jello shot was actually 6 shots of different colors. They didn’t taste at all like molecules, and by the time he was done with all of them it was some time later and Cas was in a much better mood. They had him turning around to watch the dancing, a big smile on his face.

When Mike asked him if he wanted to dance, he followed willingly, if less gracefully than he normally would have. He liked dancing. Dancing was fun. Not unlike some of the more precise maneuvers of combat flying, he told Mike. Mike asked if he was a pilot, and Cas chuckled and danced away.

Somewhere he picked up another drink. A beer this time. And then some bourbon. When he spotted Mike again, he was dancing with someone else, and Cas looked around for someone else to talk to. Why had he thought he wanted to be left alone? He had been alone far too long.

When he saw another guy settle next to him on his left, he turned enthusiastically.

“I had a rainbow jello shot. It was great.”

The guy chuckled. 

“Looks like. Bad day?”

“Bad decade.”

They chatted for a while, mostly about Dean and what an absolute jerk he was. Eventually, Cas wanted to know why he’d only nursed one beer in all the time they’d been talking.

“I’m driving home in a bit. Hey, you’re not driving, are you?”

Cas just shook his head.

“You need a ride home? Consider me your Uber driver.”

oOo

Cas took shotgun, and immediately started touching things. Dean never let him touch things. He found the radio controls and started fiddling with them. 

“Dean never lets me touch the radio.”

The guy just laughed (what was his name again?) and waved vaguely at the radio like he was telling Cas to have at it. He started flipping through stations, adjusting the volume here and there, until he found one with music he liked.

“This song, what is it?”

“It’s Queen!”

Cas rolled the window down, turned the volume up and yelled.

“IT FEELS LIKE FLYING.”

The man laughed and cranked the volume the rest of the way up, picking up speed.

They were approaching Lebanon when the song ended. Cas turned the volume down again, and Cher started singing about kisses. Cas frowned and looked at his Uber driver.

“She’s wrong, I think.”

“About what?”

“Kisses. I never found them to be all that informative.”

“Maybe you’ve been kissing the wrong people.”

Cas gave it a moment’s thought, then looked at the driver’s lips with naked speculation in his eyes.

“Maybe. Can I kiss you?”

The man smiled again, this time a bit sadly, as he pulled over on Main Street. 

“I tell you what, Cas. If you still want to kiss me when you sober up, give me a call. We can go for a drive and you can blast the flying song all the way on loop, if you want. I have the CD.”

“Sweet!”

Cas took the paper the man handed him, let himself out of the car and started making his way back to the bunker.

oOo

_Burnin' through the sky… uh hundred degrees, that's why they call me Mister Fahren… Fah… I'm traveling at the speed of light_

“Cas?”

“Dean!”

Cas stopped, then heard himself chuckle at the look on Dean’s face.

“I’m fine, see. I just tripped.”

Giggling like a schoolgirl he carefully made his way to his feet, then reached down to grab the scrap of paper he’d dropped and almost fell again.

“This step is wobbly,” he pronounced.

“Cas, you’re not on the steps anymore.”

Dean reached out to steady him.

“Come on, I’ll help you get into bed.”

Cas laughed again, this time a sort of desperate irony, and allowed himself to be led towards the bedrooms.

“Where were you? I was worried.”

“Dean! I went to a gay bar!”

“There are no gay bars in Lebanon.”

“I got a ride!”

“Cas, that’s not -”

“Shut up, it was great. I danced! Cher is fun, even if she’s wrong about kisses, and I found a song that sounds like flying.” 

He stopped for a moment, his eyes closing as if he quietly mumbled the line again, trying to recapture the feeling.

“I think it works better in a car.”

Tugging him along, Dean gave an exasperated sigh.

“We are going to need to talk about this when you sober up.”

“I can’t- I can’t do that, Dean. I have to call my Uber… my Uber driver when I sober up.”

“Did you leave something in his car?” 

Cas laughed again at that, like it was the best joke. 

“No, silly.” He stood up straighter and explained. “He said – he said if I still wanted to kiss him when I – when I sober up, I should call him.”

They arrived at Castiel’s door and Dean shifted to face Cas.

“You wanted to kiss your Uber driver?”

“He let me play with the radio controls,” he said, as if that explained everything. 

Then Cas turned around, went into his room and closed the door. Almost immediately, through the door, he could hear Cas start singing again.

_Don’t stop me now, I’m having such a good time_

Dean leaned back against the wall. He had not seen this coming at all. Cas wanted to kiss some other guy. He probably didn’t even drive anything that could compare to the Impala. Slowly, he made his way to his own room, wondering where he could find a Queen CD in the morning.


	8. The power of Music

Dean tossed and turned, unable to sleep. He was surprised by how much it bothered him that Cas might be calling the other guy later. He was jealous. Dean Winchester was jealous. He’d never been jealous, not even with Lisa. What did it mean? He rolled over again, Castiel’s voice cycling through “blow me”, “don’t stop me”, and “delicious”.

Cas would probably have a headache when he got up. He was pretty trashed. Dean could make sure he had some of his special hangover cure ready. And instead of finding a Queen CD, he’d get Sam to download some songs to Dean’s phone. Then Cas could hear them when he wasn’t in the car. Actually, he couldn’t sleep anyway. He might as well get up and find those songs.

oOo

He’d decided to go for a drive to clear his head. 50 miles later, the road had relaxed him enough to figure out a few things. He turned onto the interstate and headed for the nearest town, drove around until he found a music store and bought every Queen CD they had. Then he went to find a small stereo and an mp3 player. 

He made it home before Cas was up and got ready. He brewed some coffee first, then fixed some of his special hangover cure. He dug for some aspirin and set it by the coffee cup. When Cas got up, Dean poured the coffee and handed it to Cas with the aspirin. He kept his distance and his silence until Cas looked a bit less frazzled, then offered the hangover cure, and some breakfast. 

Dean watched Cas as he ate, wondering if this was when he pulled out his phone and called that Uber driver. He made himself stay cool. Wait. Cas ate, then stumbled over to the sofa, collapsed and closed his eyes against the light with a groan.

Walking up behind the sofa, Dean touched Castiel’s shoulder to let him know Dean was there, then gently started to rub his temples. Cas relaxed under his touch, almost curling into it. Dean could feel himself lean in, drawn closer despite his best intentions. When he finally moved away, Cas had dozed off again.

Cas woke up a few hours later feeling much better. He stretched, walked into the library and found Sam and Dean bent over a laptop, picking out songs. They looked up when he walked in.

“Good morning.”

“It’s actually well past lunch time.” Sam corrected. “Are you hungry? I could fix you a salad or something.”

“Burger, Sammy. Man needs a cheeseburger.”

“I’m… not hungry, thank you.” Cas pointed at the laptop. “Is this for a case?”

“No,” Dean explained. “It’s for you. I - ”

He shifted nervously in his chair, reminding himself that the word pie should not be any part of this.

“I’ve been kind of a jerk lately, so I thought I’d get you a gift to make up for it.”

He handed Cas a small box, which turned out to have the CDs, and pointed to the player in the corner. Then he explained they were loading the songs in the mp3 player, so Cas could take them with him anywhere.

“The uh…. The flying song is on this one.” Dean tapped one of the CDs and turned back to the laptop.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Reluctantly, Castiel’s expression cleared into a delighted smile.

“Apology accepted.”

They showed him how to operate the mp3 player and the CD player and between that and picking out songs it was dinner time before Cas had any opportunity to even think about the Uber driver, much less contemplate the possibility of calling him. Dean made everyone burgers and home fries, while Sam fixed himself a nice side salad, and they ate in the sort of companionable peace they hadn’t enjoyed in a while.

Cas offered to do the dishes, being the only one that hadn’t cooked, and Sam went to pick out a movie, leaving Dean standing in the kitchen. After a moment he grabbed a kitchen towel and started drying the dishes in easy silence while Cas rambled about how much he enjoyed his new mp3 player and some of the songs he hadn’t heard before. 

When they joined Sam, they saw he had pulled up YouTube. They ended up watching Queen music videos instead of a movie, all three of them in awe of Freddie and what he could do. Sammy had more or less missed all of that, and Dean had heard the music, but never really seen the videos. They followed one music video to another and were surprised to find that they’d been at it for almost two hours when Cas finally got up, stretched, and excused himself, again thanking them profusely for his gifts.

And now Dean got restless. Was Cas going to call? He found himself getting up and starting to follow Cas out of the room, then stopping short and pacing. He was going to sleep, that was all. Sure, he’d slept most of the day, but well, he was hungover, that was to be expected. He wasn’t calling, was he?

He paced some more, and finally Sam tossed a paper ball at him.

“Just go talk to him, already.”

And Dean was off like a shot, down the hallway and to Castiel’s door. He hesitated for a moment at a door. What would he say? What if Cas was getting ready to go out now? He almost turned around, then made himself stop, take a deep breath and knock on the door.

There was nothing but silence for a minute, and Dean knocked again. He was about to give up and stomp away when the door opened. He turned back around to face the door and was instantly frozen to the spot. Cas was standing in the doorway, drying his hair with a towel, another around his waist, and not a stitch on him.

“Dean? Is something wrong?”

He couldn’t make himself speak. He was probably freaking Cas out but he couldn’t think about that right now because internally, he was freaking out. Okay, so – definitely not as straight as he’d led himself to believe then. His mouth had to be open. Was his mouth open? It felt dry, the way mouths feel when they’ve been open for a while.

“Dean? Are you okay? Should I get Sam?”

He made himself shut his mouth. If he really focused, maybe he could make himself shake his head. It might be easier if he closed his eyes. He closed them and shook his head slightly.

“Are you sick? Did you trigger some magic object? Dean!”

Okay, he really needed to snap out of it. He shook his head harder. Dammit, he was an adult, and he could do this.

“I think – I think we need to talk.”

Cas stepped aside. He probably should have said he’d be back in a few minutes, after Cas was done drying off and getting some clothes on. He didn’t. He stepped in, waited for the door to close behind him. Cas excused himself and stepped into the adjoining bathroom, where he disposed of the towel he’d been using on his hair.

Dean unashamedly took a moment to check him out in the mirror. Cas was ripped. Which, really, shouldn’t have been surprising. He was a warrior, after all, and while he had angel power he’d kept that body in perfect condition. They had fought side by side too often for the strength in Castiel’s body to be news to him. But he had somehow never thought…

Cas walked back into the room, still with the towel around his waist. _He probably didn’t have clean clothes in the bathroom,_ Dean thought. _I should give him some privacy long enough to get some clothes on._ Again, he didn’t. He stepped further into the room, afraid he’d lose his nerve if he hesitated even for a second.

“I’ve been thinking and - ”

 _Do NOT mention pie or so help me, I will make you eat nothing but Sammy’s salads for a whole week,_ he threatened himself. _Maybe two._

“You remember when Frank came into Dr. Sexy and we started this whole thing about Dr. Sexy being bi? How we kinda argued about it and you said -”

This wasn’t going well. He sucked at this. Sure, he hadn’t mentioned pie, but now he was making this about Dr. Sexy and he still wasn’t saying what he needed to say. About himself. His shoulders slumped in frustration, and he looked at Cas the way you look at a man you’ve fought alongside for a decade. _I could use a hand here, Cas._ And that’s when his mouth ran away with him and solved his problem without his permission.

“You said “blow me”. Would now be a good time?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. Some storms knocked our internet service out for over a week, and I didn't want to do this on my phone.

This had to be some sort of human hangover after effect thing. It had to be, right? For a second there he actually thought Dean had asked to… no, that couldn’t be right.

But Dean was reaching out now, looking to him for an answer. And well, Cas wasn’t really sure what the question was, but if there was a chance that it might in fact be what he’d thought he’d heard, well… He wasn’t about to say no. So he reached back, and let Dean lead him to the edge of the bed. He sat down, awkwardly asking himself if he should do something about the towel, but as he couldn’t quite decide if he should try to hold it discreetly closed or let it drop, he just let it settle its own fate. And speaking of fate.

Castiel had been an angel of the Lord for an eternity. In that capacity, he had seen the wonders of the universe, entire ages come and go, species evolve and go extinct. He had watched a funny little ape turn into a force that could rival god’s, for good and evil. He had also seen a lot of men on their knees, looking up at him, devotion and hope in their eyes. None of which prepared him for the sight of Dean Winchester falling to his knees in front of him. He felt the sort of hush that you can usually only feel in old cathedrals take over the small bedroom, and he gave up trying to think at all. He was here, Dean was inexplicably here, and on his knees in front of him, and there was nothing his brain could produce right now that could rival what his senses were telling him.

oOo

A lifetime of hunting for secrets had taught Dean that often the most important words are the ones that are said when the brain is not fully online. In his head, he had meant that sentence to be “You said that maybe Dr Sexy couldn’t be bi because I didn’t want to be.” In his head, he’d been thinking maybe he should ask Cas if he wanted Dean to come back later, after he’d put some clothes on. But with his brain not fully online, what had actually come out of his mouth had been very different. 

His brain hadn’t exactly been doing a stellar job of things, though, so maybe it was time to just go with his gut here and see where it led. Right now, it was leading him to his knees. He had to look up to make eye contact with Cas. He thought to himself it was almost funny that of all the times Dean had prayed to him over the years, he’d never done it on his knees. It felt a bit like surrendering, even if he didn’t quite know what he was surrendering, or maybe what he was surrendering to.

On autopilot, his hands went to Castiel’s knees, stroking gently, nudging his legs apart so Dean could get closer. It wasn’t close enough. Slowly, his hands made their way up Castiel’s thighs and around to the back of his hips, nudging the towel off in the process. He heard a strangled moan, and then Cas was leaning in for a kiss. That was a hell of a good idea, so Dean dove in, giving as good as he got. Castiel’s hands tightened in his hair just as his own hands tightened on his hips, and again Dean’s instincts took over and pulled Cas closer, the towel forgotten entirely already.

This close, kissing was hard on his neck, so he nibbled gently on Castiel’s lip and headed south, tracing his way past his chin, his neck, his collarbone, until it found Castiel’s nipples exactly where he could comfortably feast on them, at mouth level. 

Now this was familiar territory. Nipples are nipples, and Dean knew exactly what to do with those. He took his time, his mouth working as the rest of him catalogued what drew a gasp, a shiver or a moan out of Cas. Then he took his greatest hits across to the other nipple as his thumb gently soothed and circled the first one. When Castiel’s hips got restless, Dean’s hands steadied them, and he shifted, encouraging Cas to lean back to give him more access.

His fingers traced across the ribs, working their way up from the hips, urging Cas to lean back against his elbows, as his lips worked their way down the middle, teasing a path down to his navel. He took some time there, his hands making their way up, stopping just short of the nipples and then down again. When his hands were back on Castiel’s hips, his teeth started roaming the waistline, nipping and soothing with his tongue as he went. Dean shifted, finding a comfortable position, and when his mouth reached the hip, he changed direction to trace the crease between Castiel’s leg and his crotch. Cas started squirming, then, and with a smug smile, Dean made his way around to the other side, working the crease.

Halfway up the crease, he feels it for the first time. All the squirming Cas is doing has his cock rubbing against Dean’s cheek. Casually, Dean reaches for it, holds it out of his way. Castiel’s hips jerk at the contact, and his arms give out, dropping Cas flat on his back on the bed. He thinks, briefly, that he should stroke, but as it turns out, Dean is more of a tease than he’d ever realized. He keeps his hand gentle and still and continues to test to see what will drive Cas wild.

Eventually, the sounds coming from Cas turn desperate, and Dean turns his attention to the cock in his hand. He’s never done this before, but he figures what he likes to have done to him is probably a good way to start. He teases at the slit with the tip of his tongue, then spirals out until he’s circling the head and Cas is a puddle of want. Dean’s entire focus narrows to the reactions of Castiel’s body, his own body moving on autopilot. 

He registers the way Castiel’s whole body stutters when Dean swallows him down. The way he goes all pliant and needy when Dean pulls back, the seal of his lips generating suction as he moves. The way he moans Dean’s name as if he can’t help it anymore. Everything is a blur after that until Castiel’s hands close around his head, his fingers sink into Dean’s hair, and Dean finds that he’s grinding against the bed. 

Suddenly it’s not just about Cas anymore. He feels… ravenous. In one smooth motion, he moves up and pulls Cas to meet him half-way. Dean settles over Castiel’s body, mouth closing on the pulse point in his neck, and Cas arches up to meet him. And now it’s Dean’s body that shudders, and it’s all he can do to keep some of his weight on his elbows with Cas grinding up into him. With both of them grinding into each other. It feels like a heartbeat later when Cas bucks and keens his name, and then Cas is reaching between them and sending Dean over the edge with him.

oOo

What do you say to the guy you’ve treated as a brother for years when you wake up naked in his arms, with a mess of cum between you? Even if it is a metaphorical awakening and not a literal one. He didn’t know, and so Dean said nothing just then. He nuzzled into the neck of this man he was in love with and allowed himself to just breathe. 

Cas was limp and breathless under him, and when he thought his legs would hold him, Dean made himself get up and clean up the mess. The look of dazed bliss in Castiel’s face was fading into sleepiness by the time he was done. It never occurred to Dean to go back to his own room. He shuffled sleepy Cas properly into bed and settled down next to him. 

“Dean…”

“Go to sleep, Cas. It’s okay. We’ll talk in the morning.”

He asked himself if maybe Cas had been about to ask him to go back to his own bed, but then Cas curled into him, almost clinging, and Dean held on. Tomorrow. They’d talk tomorrow.

"I love you," he whispered into the darkness, as if he couldn't quite believe it.

And he felt Castiel's lips move against his skin, in an unintelligible mumble.


	10. Chapter 10

When Dean woke up, Cas was still clinging to his side like a limpet. For someone who never used to sleep, he had become a champ at it now that he was human. He seemed to have a slight snore that sounded more like a purr, and Dean allowed himself to stay in that not quite awake but not fully asleep state for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth of Castiel’s body. After a few minutes, though, he had to get up. 

He extricated himself from Cas and made his way to the bathroom. He made his way through his morning routine without giving anything much thought, until he went to brush his teeth and stopped, looking at Castiel’s toothbrush. 

What do you say the next morning when it’s not “it was fun, but let’s not do this again”? He looked over his shoulder briefly then faced the mirror.

“I, uh… ”

_Well, that was real smooth._ One word into this and he was already stuck. He took a deep breath. 

“I’m not good at this. The closest I’ve ever had to a relationship, you know, aside from dad and Sammy”

Great. Why was Dean bringing them into this? Wrong kind of relationship. He was going to confuse Cas like this.

“The closest I had to a relationship was Lisa, and if I’m honest the only reason I did that was because Sammy made me promise and I thought he was gone. Like, gone gone. Forever, gone. I think I kinda loved her, but it was never going to work, and maybe that’s why I tried. She was a picket fence kinda person and she had the kid, and I’m-”

He ran his hands across his face and into his scalp.

“I’m just not that kind of guy. I used to think the apple pie life was the dream but I tried it, and maybe it is, but it’s not my dream.”

Why was he going on about Lisa? Really? He’s gonna bring up an ex right now? _Shut up, Dean. Get to the point._ He got a fresh toothbrush from the medicine cabinet, peeled it out of the package, and started to put toothpaste on it.

“I guess the point is, it didn’t work because it wasn’t me. After it was all over and done with, I didn’t miss her and Ben nearly as much as I missed me while I was with them. And so I think that maybe it could work with the right person.”

There, that was better. He could work with this. Maybe just take out that whole middle part and not go on about Lisa.

“You know me better than anyone ever has or ever will, Cas, and you can handle my shit. Not that you should have to. I’m working on that. It’s just gonna take time and-”

Awesome. Now he was going on about his shitty attitude. _Way to make a sale, here, Dean._

He sighed. He wet the toothbrush, and movement in his peripheral drew his eyes back to the mirror. Cas was standing right outside the door. How long? What had he heard? _Guess we’re doing this now, then._ Their eyes locked in the mirror. 

“I guess what I’m saying is, I probably suck at this. Bad. I’m probably going to fuck up nine ways before breakfast but I promise I’ll fix it every time. And if that’s a chance you’re willing to take, I think – I think it might work with us. We’re a hell of a team, Cas. When we work together, there’s not a damn fight we can’t win.”

Cas opened the door the rest of the way and stepped inside.

“What do you say, Cas? Wanna give this thing a try?”

He sounded all scratchy from sleep, but there was conviction in his voice when he slipped his arms around Dean’s waist.

“Hell, yeah. I’m in.’

oOo

They hadn’t made any grand announcements, but Sam was no idiot and he had eyes. So for the next few days he gave them plenty of space, and did not ever ask himself what they were up to. Still, it was Dr. Sexy night again, and they were MIA. He was asking himself if he should go knock on a door and remind them when they came into the room, dressed to go out.

“You’re going out?”

“We’re going flying.” Dean beamed.

“Dr. Sexy is about to start.”

“We’ll catch it later, Sammy.”

“But Frank is going to confront Dr Sexy about the par-”

“That’s what DVR is for, man. Don’t wait up!”

And they were gone up the stairs before Sam could put another thought together. He huffed as he settled into his spot on the couch with way too much popcorn. Enough for 3, you might say.

He was still a bit miffed when Frank cornered Dr Sexy in the staff room. When they argued about Dr Sexy’s original intentions when he invited Frank over, Sam was rooting for Frank to punch him in the nose. When Frank crowded him, fingernail poking Dr Sexy in the chest, demanding an apology for the way he had ignored Frank all night, Sam froze, popcorn half-way to his mouth.

When Dr Sexy finally snapped, closing the distance between them to kiss Frank senseless, Sam dropped the popcorn and hooted. Dean and Cas were gonna be sorry they missed this. When they started tugging at clothes in a supply closet, Sam shot off a text to Dean.

“You’re going to be sorry you missed this, jerk.”

But Cas and Dean were on the hood of the Impala, looking at the Milky Way in the darkness of a field somewhere. Cas was pointing out all his favorite stars, and they were trading stories associated with those stars, and the hands between them were locked together as they curled into each other.

They never heard the phone, and they were absolutely not sorry.


End file.
